What is monogamy?
Monogamy is the pairing of a single member of a species with another single member of a species.
It is a choice made by each of the pair to relegate the other to a sole sexual partner. It can be a radical act of independence.
An enormous amount of time and money supporting scientific research has gone into determining if monogamy is natural or unnatural.
The reason for this is manifold.
Some folk take comfort in discovering monogamy is not natural. It helps them deal with feelings of being attracted to humans outside of their relationship.
Some folk want to prove that monogamy is natural and prove that it is not a restrictive ideal imposed on humans who are fighting their true nature.
Some folk seek to indemnify ideological beliefs by ‘proving’ monogamy is either natural or unnatural.
Am I monogamous?
This has left many people in a very confused state over their relationship.
How can we crave the intimacy and exclusivity of monogamy while equally desiring another human sexually?
Why do I want both?
Does it mean I am not monogamous?
Why do I want to be monogamous?
If you want monogamy from your partner because you can’t bare the thought of them with someone else, you need to question if you are monogamous at all.
It is possible you do not want monogamy, rather you simply want to control your sexual partners.
If you confront the truth of all relationships, that you do not own or control the other person, you are more likely to see if you are monogamous or not.
Both men and women are likely to experience a desire to control the other person they are in a relationship with.
What do I do if I’m non-monogamous?
Cheating on a committed relationship is not non-monogamy. It’s cheating.
If you want to sleep with someone outside your relationship, you need to talk to your mate to arrange this.
If you feel that your world would collapse if you talked to them, then you need to examine why you are energized by the thought of cheating on them.
If you are still wrapped up in confusion on this subject, see a professional health expert.
Remember, relationships come in many forms, and you may find another mate that suits you more.
Focus on you for a while
If you are very troubled by cheating within a relationship, perhaps the best thing is to take a bit of time for yourself.
Masturbate to a variety of scenarios. Read a variety of literature. Find out what the alternatives to monogamy are.
Don’t just flirt with someone else and validate it as ‘natural.’ That isn’t about monogamy, that’s about power and using your sexuality to approve this is a waste of your time and could lead to something very destructive.
Casual flirting is far more likely to be due to boredom with your life, emotional emptiness or other personal issues that may be impossible for another person to solve for you.
Before you burn your world down, take the time to look at all these options.