Outercourse is an excellent sexual style to add to your sexual repertoire.
Perhaps it is a catchall for the al behaviors you currently perform?
Either way, labeling and categorizing can help us add variety and choice to our sexual lives.
This can help people voice preference and it can help others understand that no penetration does not equal rejection.
What we do:
We here at AJAX Books are committed to offering high-quality porn for the discerning smut lover. For us, that is written porn. We believe in your right to get off, and want to provide the highest quality porn for you to use exclusively for that purpose.
Sexual abstinence can mean different things to different people. For some, it is the decision not to have sexual intercourse (penetration of one body by another). For others, it is closer to celibacy in that a decision is made to withdraw from all sexual activity.
The motivation for these decisions varies from spiritual claims to health and risk reduction around sexually transmitted disease.
However, sexual abstinence as a concept can be controversial.
We see this controversy in the phrase itself. What does ‘sexual’ mean in practical terms? What are you abstaining from? Intercourse? Does that mean Outercourse is acceptable? Is kissing forbidden in true sexual abstinence? Is meaningful flirting online permitted when practicing sexual abstinence?
It is this grey area that tells us abstaining from sex is a personal practice. For those of us considering it, we have to think more about why than how.
Why we might abstain from sex is a very important question. It is this question that guides our search for an appropriate teacher or model for our practice. Choosing a role model is more difficult than we think.
How To Find a Good Guide for Sexual Abstinence
Finding the right way to approach this practice can be tricky.
As we stated above, get yourself informed about your reasons before you do anything else. Don’t underestimate this step. Particularly if you are going to abstain for spiritual reasons.
If you haven’t chosen this yourself, and you are simply going along with what your church elders, friends or teachers are telling you, your project is likely to fail. That means, when tested, you won’t pass. This will place you in a self esteem battle with yourself laced with shame and guilt.
If you want to abstain for health reasons, examine time frames, and look at how you communicate this to a current or future partner.
Take a good look at what disease you are avoiding and how it is transmitted.
If you are fearful of transmitting a disease, contact a sexual health clinic to discover how to deal with the disease.
Many diseases are transmitted through oral sex and kissing also, so get informed and take control of your sexual health by getting to the bottom of these problems.
Spiritual Benefits of Sexual Abstinence
If you are considering sexual abstinence for spiritual reasons, again, you have to ask yourself what your purpose is.
The conversation around the spiritual benefits of abstinence does not need to carry negative connotations. Often sexual abstinence is mistaken for a refusal of lust. If sexual abstinence is tangled up with sexual refusal, it can be easy to tumble into an ocean of guilt and shame.
Sexual abstinence does not have to be about shame or self-denial. It can be a tool to enhance psychic and spiritual breakthrough. It can also be a way of getting closer to your sexual self.
Abstinence can help you refocus on a creative activity.
Taking your sexual energy and moving it away from lust and into a creative project such as building something, designing something, writing something or learning something is another way to use abstinence in a positive way.
Channeling sexual energy into creativity can produce exciting results in short term creative projects. Want to write a novella? A piece of music? Design and decorate a room? Design a house?
Abstaining from sex can be a conscious decision made in order to direct immersion in a project. You can choose to devote seven days to create the first draft of a major work and use sexual abstinence as part of a spiritual engagement with that project.
Sexual Abstinence for Couples
Sexual abstinence can be a thing that a couple does together. It can be a ritual used when during a grieving period after a death or an initial connection after a divorce.
It can be a way of establishing a reset while performing other cleansing rituals such as a diet or a house decluttering.
It can be part of a cognitive ritual a couple performs to mark a transition from one state through to another. Sort of the same way as the honeymoon is a ritual of the beginning of the sexual journey together.
Sometimes sexual abstinence finds you without you choosing it. When you have a low sex drive, or when under extreme stress or find yourself out of a sexual relationship before you’ve entered another one. By making a clear decision to use the time to engage in sexual abstinence you feel less tossed about by the world events. You ‘go with the flow’ rather than resist.
Sexual abstinence, when embraced, can be a very positive experience. Your quest, if this has happened to you, is to make it your choice by taking control of it, rather than feeling a victim of your circumstance.
Sexual Abstinence when practiced deliberately can, strangely, become part of a vibrant sex life.
You may be practicing abstinence without knowing. You may be avoiding sex out of fear. You may be abstaining because you feel anything else is wrong.
By choosing abstinence deliberately, defining it for yourself, and deciding what path you will take as you practice, you take sexual abstinence and you define it in your own way.
It becomes just another of life’s joyful and enriching sexual experiences.
Nobel Laureate Nikolaas Tinbergen was a behavioral biologist who conducted fascinating experiments on animals regarding stimulation and motivation. He found that key factors that animal instincts focused on could be overridden with the addition of something called supernormal stimulus.
This means that something that is super stimulating can affect even instinctive responses. Another way of saying this is that an animal will reject normal behavior in favor of an exaggerated version.
Tinbergen found that Songbirds would abandon their own pale blue eggs so that they could sit on black eggs with fluorescent polka dots that were so big the birds would perpetually fall off.
Tinbergen debunked the idea that either nature or nurture was responsible for our behavior. He found that both exist and that all behavior is always the result of a variety of stimulus.
This has consequences for those of us who love pornography. It is important to recognize pornography as Supernormal Stimulus in the same way that Superman or Batman are supernormal stimulus.
Pornography is essential to understand what stimulates and excites us, but is it not ‘normal’ and ‘regular.’ It is a form of supernormal stimulus that can teach us a lot about ourselves, but it isn’t a perfect model of our conditioned behavior.
We here at AJAX Books love and condone the use of all kinds of pornography. But just as Superman would become a problem if people started to throw themselves off cliffs, porn becomes a problem when it is presumed to be the gold standard.
Enjoy your porn for what it is.
We read the following to come up with this post. Follow any of the links to read more.
We are all very entranced with what we accomplish these days. If you don’t have health and well-being goals you will find that these aspects of your life might never improve, may deteriorate in value, or may even slip away altogether.
Sexual health is no different.
However, the advantage of sexual health is that it can be used to impact other health goals.
For example, if you want to reduce your stress levels, take up a healthy daily masturbation habit.
If you want to lose weight, masturbation is a wonderful way to give yourself non-food related pleasure.
If you want a better night’s sleep, masturbate before you nod off.
If you want to improve your relationships, start in the bedroom.
Having positive sex goals can make a very big difference in other areas of your life.
If you want to achieve a new sex goal, such as branching out with different pornography, adding tantric sex into your life, or training yourself to orgasm in a fresh new way, you need to do a little research into what you want.
After that, you can break the end goal down into small activities that take you in that direction.
By focusing on a sex goal, you may find you start to reduce stress levels, improve your self-esteem, and get a great night’s sleep.
A 2013 study conducted by Erin E. Buckels et al had some interesting things to say about sadism.
Sadism is not just associated with a fetish. It is also a rare, but existing behavior trait that has some people take pleasure from hurting others. This is not necessarily psychopathic behavior. Rather it distinguishes itself because people seek out the opportunity to hurt others.
The study revealed that given the opportunity to engage in aggression facets of Dark Triad personalities came to the fore. However, it was only sadists who were willing to work for the opportunity to harm an innocent victim.
Sadists independently predicted behavior reflecting ‘an appetite for cruelty.’
The study concluded that although sadism is rare, it is more common than we think. Equally, good manners and the way an individual treats you at the social level might give you an indicator as to whether you are dealing with a Sadist or not.
There is no reason to judge others, either harshly or kindly. What is more important is creating your own standards and then choosing to be with people who fall into line with them.
Love is often based on a deep, core belief that is fulfilled by the union presenting itself.
However, sometimes, you might be attracted to someone, but have this uneasy ‘feeling’ that it all might be too good to be true? Or do you feel that everything seems ok, but there is something you can’t put your finger on.
Do you watch X-Men, James Bond, Charlies Angels because it makes you feel more powerful? When you are ‘down’ do you watch certain films because they make you feel better? When you are struggling in life, do you like to watch movies about people who overcome their problems?
This is not foolish.
Its an age-old technique used by spiritualists in practices like Buddhism that are related to using the imagination to conjure up images that relieve stress and anxiety.
For example, psychologists walk patients through exercises where they face their fears, go back to key trauma in childhood or examine issues of jealousy in the safe space of the psychologist’s office.
Also, visualization is a technique used by investors and creators alike to call forth new inventions, processors or businesses into the world.
These are also techniques that can be used in your sex life. If you are about to sleep with another person and you are nervous, play out the scenario in your mind first. But really do it. Lay on your bed, and imagine the small details, like eating dinner, taking a sip of wine, walking through the streets to the car. Get yourself all the way through to the bedroom, then imaging kissing, peeling off clothing, maneuvering sheets on the bed etc.
This walkthrough approach, or visualization spiritualists call it, can really help when one is getting over the nerves of a first date.
It can be used in any sexual context. Work with it and add it into your sexual self-respect repertoire.
We wracked our brains to come up with our very favorite, top ten sexiest Sean Connery bond scenes.
What do you think of our list?
Bond. James Bond.
The iconic moment when James Bond introduces himself to Sylvia Trench, and the perfectly timed music supports his relaxed menacing sexuality. He smolders in this scene and because of it, made the scene the stuff of film legend.
Approaching Jill Masterton in Goldfinger
A very small moment. If you don’t watch carefully, you’ll miss it. But it is a deliciously sexy scene in which Sean’s Bond leans into Shirley Easton’s Jill. James and Jill. It’s one of our all-time favorite James Bond moments.
Bathing in Diamonds are Forever.
Sean Connery, far sexier with a few years on his frame, sitting in a bath. It’s a ‘is he really naked?’ moment and its very sexy. Of course, he’s reading and enjoying a drink.
Deciding to stay with Sylvia.
Here at AJAX Books we love the moment when James walks into his apartment and Sylvia trench is there playing golf earing his shirt. She talks him into staying rather than getting on with his urgent assignment. It’s one of the few moments a woman seduces James Bond off the case, and we love her for it!
“You’ve had your six.”
We know we know! The violence and the misogyny can’t be ignored. James Bond gets away with both because the super spy is a parody of himself. He is stupidly extreme. One gets the sense that the intended wry humor parodies the male fantasy rather than fulfills it. From that perspective, we felt Sean Connery is sexier in this scene when he kills Dent.
Bed scene in From Russia With Love
The exciting scene when James walks into his hotel room, wanders around, starts the shower and then hears something in the room. When he walks in, Tatiana Romanova is in his bed, naked with a black ribbon around her neck. What follows is a sexy tete-a-tete between the pair that results in their lovemaking. However, what we find out at the very end is that they are filmed by Rosa Klebb, which adds another dimension to the already sexually charged scene.
Underneath the Mango tree
It’s probably the second most famous Bond scene after ‘Bond. James Bond.’ When Ursula Andres arrives on the scene in her white bikini asking if James is looking for shells and he replies with ‘no I’m just looking,’ we get this highly charged sexual moment that is only consummated in the final scene. It is the famous ending where the tow rope is let go and the pair embrace in the boat. This is an iconic Bond moment, and one we feel Connery should take the credit for just as much as Ursula Andres.
Wrestling with Bambi and Thumper.
It’s surely one of the sexiest Bond moments in history, when he arrives at the John Lautner Chemosphere house and there is Bambi and Thumper walking around in their bikini-leather lace-up boots outfits, you just know someone has gotta get wet!
Pampering with the gypsies
For us, the Gypsie pampering scene is better than the pampering scene in You Only Live Twice. Its ridiculous of course. Just because he happened to be there when the gypsies were attacked, the group offer him two women as a prize. But we had seen the women in a cat fight the night before and there is something especially sexy about Connery’s funny shyness that we find endearing and rare.
Dress drops with Plenty O’Toole
Enormously sexist and very cheesy, we still loved the dress drop scene with Plenty O’Toole and still hold it as one of the best James Bond women undress moments in all the films.
These days we are all about getting to know an awful lot about what people are doing in their bedrooms. We know more about Queer lifestyles and alternate romantic and sexual lifestyles than we have for decades.
What used to be secretive and titillating has become fascinating and liberating. The Queer community have led us to a broader acceptance of difference, and this in turn has helped all of us think of sexuality beyond the reduced functionality of reproduction.
An interesting article in Psychology Today highlights open relationships and some of the emotional struggles that those inside the open relationship experience. Comparative insecurity becomes a sophisticated delving into the connections we make with our lovers.
When we fall in love, we choose our mate and decide inside ourselves that no one will ever come close to the perfection they are. For those in monogamous relationships, you might spend a lot of time in your life justifying that choice.
Open relationships don’t necessarily change this. IN an open relationship, taking a lover that is nothing like your life partner is understandable. It is when your partner chooses someone very similar to you that certain insecurities can rise up.
Even age isn’t necessarily a big deal. An older couple can understand why each of them might want to enjoy sexual congress with a younger body. But if your mate chooses someone in the same age bracket or older, what are they looking for that you can’t provide?
Open relationships are wonderful and exciting, but they contain their own challenges.