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Why is it hard to tell the truth about my desire?

For most of us, sexual desire leaves us feeling as though we are perverted. At some point in our lives, we think of ourselves as kinky, or somehow deviant.

Psychologists often say therefore we struggle to share our desires. And we are not wrong. Think of the actions associated with physical intimacy. Even something as simple as kissing could be seen as revolting if you do it with the wrong person. Extend that thought to oral sex and you have an action that both revolts you and excites you in equal measure depending on perspective.

Communicating with our lover can leave us at risk of seeing something we get a great deal of pleasure from in secret as ugly. Therefore, it becomes ruined for us.

Still, sharing your sexual needs is one of the most important acts of intimacy you will share with a lover. It’s so important that withholding that information can damage a relationship.

If you have a deep secret that you are afraid to share with your lover that burns inside, a sex therapist might help you manage this.

Another way of thinking about this is revealing your sexual desire can help you form a strong measuring stick for whom you will allow into your bed.

There is nothing wrong with being fussy.

There is nothing wrong with rejecting a person who rejects you for your desire.

There is nothing wrong with looking at pornography that might help you get to know your own desire.

Read more about desire here at Psychology Today.

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